A new year brings tidings of a new beginning. A beginning filled with dreams and hopes of a raise, a longer vacation, a robot (to do all your chores), the ability to never gain weight, etc. But this year (2012) is different and unlike any other year. 2012 is after all the year when the Mayan calendar ends. 2012 is the year with predictions of an impending apocalypse; when fire rains from the sky, the earth swallows everything and the eventual end of mankind.
I have always been skeptical of these predictions and theories that have been floating around; until I realized how my world would turn upside down come Judgment Day (26th February 2012). This day signifies a drastic transition and paradigm shift in my non-illustrious life. A lot of similarities can be drawn between the doomsday predictions and the major upheaval in my bachelor life.
Let me highlight just a few pointers about how my life is about to undergo a massive change come 26th of February 2012 –
On this day,
I will willingly, happily and cheerfully surrender my independence and freedom in front of hundreds of people.
On this day,
I will permanently be bound by the shackles of slavery and servitude.
From this day,
I will take up the responsibility to cook, clean and wash for two people for the rest of my life.
From this day,
I will have to learn to put the toilet seat down even after a midnight emergency.
From this day,
I will have to start watching movies which infamously fall under the ‘chick flick’ genre.
From this day,
I will even have to shower on weekends.
From this day,
I will have to start remembering special days, anniversaries and occasions.
From this day,
I will have to at least give a 30 mins heads up before going out for dinner or a movie.
From this day,
I will be answerable for every step I take, every move I make and every word I say.
From this day,
I will have another boss that I will have to answer to.
On this day,
I hang my bachelorhood.
Though you always have this fear lingering in the back of your mind, it becomes exceedingly difficult to embrace the inevitable. Despite the approaching storm and apparent annihilation, I am really looking forward to commence this new phase of my life. The end of an era leads to the beginning of a new era. This new era will be more colorful, joyous and wonderful now that I have a SPECIAL person to share it with.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Proof
Do you really need to move a mountain
to prove your strength?
Do you really need to get to the podium
to prove your worth?
Do you really need to take a bullet
to prove that you are not scared?
Do you really need to renounce glory
to prove that you are not selfish?
Do you really need to become a master
to prove that you are superior?
Do you really need to climb a ladder
to prove that you are taller?
Do you really need to get out of a cage
to prove that you are a free man?
Do you really need to cry
to prove that you can feel?
Do you really need to kill
to prove that you are worthy of respect?
Do you really need to gift a fortune
to prove that you can be loved in return?
Isn't there a simpler way
to prove that I am human?
to prove your strength?
Do you really need to get to the podium
to prove your worth?
Do you really need to take a bullet
to prove that you are not scared?
Do you really need to renounce glory
to prove that you are not selfish?
Do you really need to become a master
to prove that you are superior?
Do you really need to climb a ladder
to prove that you are taller?
Do you really need to get out of a cage
to prove that you are a free man?
Do you really need to cry
to prove that you can feel?
Do you really need to kill
to prove that you are worthy of respect?
Do you really need to gift a fortune
to prove that you can be loved in return?
Isn't there a simpler way
to prove that I am human?
Friday, March 04, 2011
Behind the Wheels
When can a person be considered as a seasoned and experienced driver? Is there a criteria or checklist you have to meet to be considered as one?
What if a person has driven more than 20,000 miles in a year?
What if that person has driven from the border of Canada to the southernmost point in US
What if that person has weathered sun scorched roads in the desert, thunderstorms and snow storms?
May be this is not sufficient to classify me as an experienced driver. But when you are driving like a troll for hours at a stretch and; when your playlist repeats itself for the third time, your mind starts to wander. During these uncertain times, you start observing and analyzing patterns and trends in mundane things that you would have normally overlooked. Moreover, as you have nothing better to do than reading my crap, let us get started by classifying the intelligence behind the wheels into more intelligent categories.
1. The Teenagers – Teenagers are irascible and impetuous adolescents with the testosterone of a bull elephant pumping through their veins. They believe that their Toyota is the fastest car on the road and leave no stones unturned to test the limits of the car’s design. They are the attention craving buffoons who try to impress by abusing the car’s stereo system and sub-woofers.
It is better to stay clear of them especially when they are on one of their ‘I am the king of the road’ campaigns. Submission to their claims of domination can avert unfortunate altercations.
I still remember and miss those days!
2. The Family Guys – People in this category are very peculiar. They are just physically present in the car. Family, marital and work related issues cloud their thought process both on and off the road.
They are so consumed by their worries that they no longer care if the light is green or red, or if there is a stop sign or not. Their attitude while driving conveys that they have given up on life and they are being forced to drive against their will.
3. The Senior Citizens – Discounting their super human vision, commendable time/distance perception and ultra fast reflexes, I have utmost respect and reverence for all of them. I literally bow before them.
Because they are the only group of people who can afford to buy a Ferrari, Lamborghini, Rolls-Royce, etc. It takes that long to accumulate enough money to buy one of these cars. You always hope and pray that one day your folks will buy a Ferrari so; you can steal the key in the night and sneak out with the scarlet beauty.
4. Women – Not surprisingly, this category is characterized by fluorescent colored cars, especially Beetles(We can talk in private about men who drive fluorescent colored cars ), car accessories which are in different shades of pastel and lots of pink.
Have you ever wondered why the default voice on any GPS is that of a woman? It is because women are smart and omniscience. They have an awesome sense of direction and they know precisely where all the empty parking spots are located.
They can guide you through the fastest or the shortest route and they can alert you when you go over the speed limit. All of this is made possible by being cautious and tentative of everyone on the road. Hence, the natural choice for any GPS is a woman’s voice.
No puns or sarcasm intended, absolutely.
5. The Entertainers – These people make driving a funny, enjoyable and memorable experience. Entertainers can be those fascinating multi-tasking maniacs who drink coffee, eat sandwiches, put on makeup, watch movies, text, chat or sleep, while driving.
Whereas some of them even go to the extent of driving while under the influence of alcohol and other anonymous substances (which I won’t mention here). When you do get lucky and spot one of them on the road; you can be certain of witnessing some extreme stunts like driving on the opposite side of the road, driving on the curb, etc.
As a precautionary measure, you should stay as far away as possible from these entertainers.
What if a person has driven more than 20,000 miles in a year?
What if that person has driven from the border of Canada to the southernmost point in US
What if that person has weathered sun scorched roads in the desert, thunderstorms and snow storms?
May be this is not sufficient to classify me as an experienced driver. But when you are driving like a troll for hours at a stretch and; when your playlist repeats itself for the third time, your mind starts to wander. During these uncertain times, you start observing and analyzing patterns and trends in mundane things that you would have normally overlooked. Moreover, as you have nothing better to do than reading my crap, let us get started by classifying the intelligence behind the wheels into more intelligent categories.
1. The Teenagers – Teenagers are irascible and impetuous adolescents with the testosterone of a bull elephant pumping through their veins. They believe that their Toyota is the fastest car on the road and leave no stones unturned to test the limits of the car’s design. They are the attention craving buffoons who try to impress by abusing the car’s stereo system and sub-woofers.
It is better to stay clear of them especially when they are on one of their ‘I am the king of the road’ campaigns. Submission to their claims of domination can avert unfortunate altercations.
I still remember and miss those days!
2. The Family Guys – People in this category are very peculiar. They are just physically present in the car. Family, marital and work related issues cloud their thought process both on and off the road.
They are so consumed by their worries that they no longer care if the light is green or red, or if there is a stop sign or not. Their attitude while driving conveys that they have given up on life and they are being forced to drive against their will.
3. The Senior Citizens – Discounting their super human vision, commendable time/distance perception and ultra fast reflexes, I have utmost respect and reverence for all of them. I literally bow before them.
Because they are the only group of people who can afford to buy a Ferrari, Lamborghini, Rolls-Royce, etc. It takes that long to accumulate enough money to buy one of these cars. You always hope and pray that one day your folks will buy a Ferrari so; you can steal the key in the night and sneak out with the scarlet beauty.
4. Women – Not surprisingly, this category is characterized by fluorescent colored cars, especially Beetles(We can talk in private about men who drive fluorescent colored cars ), car accessories which are in different shades of pastel and lots of pink.
Have you ever wondered why the default voice on any GPS is that of a woman? It is because women are smart and omniscience. They have an awesome sense of direction and they know precisely where all the empty parking spots are located.
They can guide you through the fastest or the shortest route and they can alert you when you go over the speed limit. All of this is made possible by being cautious and tentative of everyone on the road. Hence, the natural choice for any GPS is a woman’s voice.
No puns or sarcasm intended, absolutely.
5. The Entertainers – These people make driving a funny, enjoyable and memorable experience. Entertainers can be those fascinating multi-tasking maniacs who drink coffee, eat sandwiches, put on makeup, watch movies, text, chat or sleep, while driving.
Whereas some of them even go to the extent of driving while under the influence of alcohol and other anonymous substances (which I won’t mention here). When you do get lucky and spot one of them on the road; you can be certain of witnessing some extreme stunts like driving on the opposite side of the road, driving on the curb, etc.
As a precautionary measure, you should stay as far away as possible from these entertainers.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
As Good As a GUJJU
On an early Saturday morning in the beautiful month of September, my sanity and rationale were compelling me to go to sleep again but sadly, my unruly mind has a will of its own. After desperately trying to find a subject, it dawned on me. Nothing could be better than analyzing, deciphering and uncovering; the myth, the legend and the truth surrounding the group of people belonging to the Gujarati community. Over the last few decades, Gujju’s have been subjected to numerous allegations. This eventually translated into a case which was built on foolproof evidence. I thought of presenting few of the extracts from the court hearing. The case was based on the following charges:
Charge 1: The Gujarati community has an inherent incapability to distinguish between simple words like ‘hall, whole, hole’, ‘snacks, snakes’, etc.
Defense: English is a funny language.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 2: Packing, hiding, consuming and smuggling ‘theplas, fafda, dhokla, etc.’ in almost all places imaginable, from First class flights to local trains, from your garden lawn to the lawn in front of the White House, from a remote village in Gujarat to a remote village in Africa and from business trips to vacations.
Defense: We love to eat and Gujarati food tastes delicious.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 3: Making Gujarati one of the optional, widely translated and spoken languages in local grocery stores, sabji markets, foreign consulates, immigration centers and airports.
Defense: We like to travel and Gujarati is an easy language that is understood by everyone.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 4: Earning a unique accolade from the US immigration department that led to the blacklisting of last name ‘Patel’.
Defense: We prefer and like US, especially New Jersey. We want to spread our culture and tradition to all the corners of the world.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 5: Running an educational institution in the heart of Mumbai where there is a quota for Gujarati minority students.
Defense: We are a minority community in Mumbai.
Judge’s Ruling: (chuckles and mumbles...Yeah, right!) Guilty as charged.
After pleading guilty to a dozen other charges, the defendant rose to deliver his final defense statement:
“We are an extremely peaceful, humble and friendly group of people. We have inspired and contributed immensely to society. Starting with India’s independence - From the brave Sardar Patel to Mahatma Gandhi whose ideology inspired Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King Jr. , From Raas Garba to Dandiya, From Dhirubhai Ambani to Tulsi Tanti, From the diamond market to the stock market, From Bollywood to Hollywood and From motels to gas stations.
We are extremely grateful for being welcomed, honored and respected by people all over the world. We also appreciate your effort in understanding my grand mom’s mixture of English, Hindi and Gujarati which is truly a testament of your love for us. I rest my case here.”
I am not trying to promote a superior race ideology or create a linguistic barrier which would further establish another metric that society can use to discriminate amongst each other. I am simply saying that I am not embarrassed to be classified as a GUJJU. If someone comes up to me and asks me what my mother tongue is or which caste I belong to, I would proudly say “I am GUJJU”.
PS: The final judgment will be based on public votes. The lines are open now, so send your replies via SMS or email. Results will be declared shortly.
Charge 1: The Gujarati community has an inherent incapability to distinguish between simple words like ‘hall, whole, hole’, ‘snacks, snakes’, etc.
Defense: English is a funny language.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 2: Packing, hiding, consuming and smuggling ‘theplas, fafda, dhokla, etc.’ in almost all places imaginable, from First class flights to local trains, from your garden lawn to the lawn in front of the White House, from a remote village in Gujarat to a remote village in Africa and from business trips to vacations.
Defense: We love to eat and Gujarati food tastes delicious.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 3: Making Gujarati one of the optional, widely translated and spoken languages in local grocery stores, sabji markets, foreign consulates, immigration centers and airports.
Defense: We like to travel and Gujarati is an easy language that is understood by everyone.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 4: Earning a unique accolade from the US immigration department that led to the blacklisting of last name ‘Patel’.
Defense: We prefer and like US, especially New Jersey. We want to spread our culture and tradition to all the corners of the world.
Judge’s Ruling: Guilty as charged.
Charge 5: Running an educational institution in the heart of Mumbai where there is a quota for Gujarati minority students.
Defense: We are a minority community in Mumbai.
Judge’s Ruling: (chuckles and mumbles...Yeah, right!) Guilty as charged.
After pleading guilty to a dozen other charges, the defendant rose to deliver his final defense statement:
“We are an extremely peaceful, humble and friendly group of people. We have inspired and contributed immensely to society. Starting with India’s independence - From the brave Sardar Patel to Mahatma Gandhi whose ideology inspired Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King Jr. , From Raas Garba to Dandiya, From Dhirubhai Ambani to Tulsi Tanti, From the diamond market to the stock market, From Bollywood to Hollywood and From motels to gas stations.
We are extremely grateful for being welcomed, honored and respected by people all over the world. We also appreciate your effort in understanding my grand mom’s mixture of English, Hindi and Gujarati which is truly a testament of your love for us. I rest my case here.”
I am not trying to promote a superior race ideology or create a linguistic barrier which would further establish another metric that society can use to discriminate amongst each other. I am simply saying that I am not embarrassed to be classified as a GUJJU. If someone comes up to me and asks me what my mother tongue is or which caste I belong to, I would proudly say “I am GUJJU”.
PS: The final judgment will be based on public votes. The lines are open now, so send your replies via SMS or email. Results will be declared shortly.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Comatose
Year after year following a comet’s trajectory
Clambering the ladder of life story after story
A sprint to finish that dreaded and leashed daily cycle
So you can start it all over again without purpose or guile
A time comes when you learn the true meaning of relativity
With each passing second stretching across tens of eternity
To experience insomnia and to discover sleep; when the world turns slowly
When each drop of rain blends with the rhythm of tear drops distinctly
Were you waiting for an opportune moment to stop the taxi?
Hiding on the planet on the other side of the galaxy
While I stood staring at the light from a distant star
Hoping that a bolt of lightning would split me apart
The oppressed usually awaken when the threshold nears
Bring me back to life by playing that tune in my ear
Show me what it feels like to sail beyond Pluto’s reach
I would be waiting for the sun to shine down upon my face
Clambering the ladder of life story after story
A sprint to finish that dreaded and leashed daily cycle
So you can start it all over again without purpose or guile
A time comes when you learn the true meaning of relativity
With each passing second stretching across tens of eternity
To experience insomnia and to discover sleep; when the world turns slowly
When each drop of rain blends with the rhythm of tear drops distinctly
Were you waiting for an opportune moment to stop the taxi?
Hiding on the planet on the other side of the galaxy
While I stood staring at the light from a distant star
Hoping that a bolt of lightning would split me apart
The oppressed usually awaken when the threshold nears
Bring me back to life by playing that tune in my ear
Show me what it feels like to sail beyond Pluto’s reach
I would be waiting for the sun to shine down upon my face
Monday, September 14, 2009
When you are gone
When you are gone
I am left all alone
When you are gone
Your smiling face like a distant memory
Your truthful eyes like a forgotten story
Reminds me of that wonderful history
When you are gone
My very soul and life are drained
My every muscle seems strained
When you are gone
I am bound in chains of passion and love
And trapped in silence of a caged dove
When you are gone
All the happiness in the world is drained
Leaving my world full of suffering and pain
Now I wonder
Whether you would let me see you again
See if you could love me again
If you would never leave me again
Because when you are gone
I am left all alone
- To the Princess of Angels
I am left all alone
When you are gone
Your smiling face like a distant memory
Your truthful eyes like a forgotten story
Reminds me of that wonderful history
When you are gone
My very soul and life are drained
My every muscle seems strained
When you are gone
I am bound in chains of passion and love
And trapped in silence of a caged dove
When you are gone
All the happiness in the world is drained
Leaving my world full of suffering and pain
Now I wonder
Whether you would let me see you again
See if you could love me again
If you would never leave me again
Because when you are gone
I am left all alone
- To the Princess of Angels
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Half Life Crisis
Few weeks back, I reached a remarkable milestone. I officially crossed the threshold of manhood and stepped into an alien world where prehistoric creatures with pot bellies and receding hairlines roam in herds (also known as families). As the gravity of the situation started to sink in, my past flashed in front of my eyes like an old documentary. I could see a cute, innocent and gullible ten year old boy riding his bicycle to school with a backpack and a water bottle. The ringing of the phone like the tolling of a tower bell snapped me back to reality. The carefree and chubby boy in his school uniform had disappeared. What had actually changed in the past fifteen years? It was in this particular moment that I was enlightened with Ten Commandments which would serve as the set of guidelines to determine one’s age group. I now present to you the ten rules which will help you pinpoint your position on the age line:
1. When you look into the mirror and spot a strand of grey hair.
2. While dining at a busy restaurant with your friends, you feel that a bunch of teenagers in the neighboring table are making a lot of noise.
3. When an 11 year old kid walks up to you and says “Uncle”.
4. When you follow the traffic rules and regulations to the ‘T’, and get annoyed when a bunch of cars traveling at a speed above the limit overtake you.
5. When you introduce yourself to someone for the first time and the next question he/she asks you is:
Are you married?
Are you engaged?
Do you have a girlfriend?
Few years down the line the questions would be rephrased as:
Are you divorced?
Do you have children?
6. While hanging out with your friends at a coffee shop or a restaurant, you are discussing topics like the economic crisis, job security, future planning, etc. instead of debating on which movie you plan to watch.
7. When your wardrobe has more shirts and formal trousers as compared to t-shirts, shorts or denims.
8. When you sleep at 11 in the night instead of starting your day at 11 in the night.
9. When you check your bank balance and realize that you are spending way too much and you should be saving for the future.
10. When you prefer to stay back home and sleep instead of partying at a club, so that you can make an early morning meeting.
If you can relate yourself to any of the above circumstances or if you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, I would personally like to welcome you to the Half Life Crisis club. A membership to this club does not necessarily mean that you should stop having fun. In fact it gives you a pretext to break the rules, so let us try and negate all the statements I have listed above and enjoy life. Cheers.
PS: My Intrinsic/True age on the other hand is governed by a formula which is
True Age = (Age on Paper – 1) / 2.
1. When you look into the mirror and spot a strand of grey hair.
2. While dining at a busy restaurant with your friends, you feel that a bunch of teenagers in the neighboring table are making a lot of noise.
3. When an 11 year old kid walks up to you and says “Uncle”.
4. When you follow the traffic rules and regulations to the ‘T’, and get annoyed when a bunch of cars traveling at a speed above the limit overtake you.
5. When you introduce yourself to someone for the first time and the next question he/she asks you is:
Are you married?
Are you engaged?
Do you have a girlfriend?
Few years down the line the questions would be rephrased as:
Are you divorced?
Do you have children?
6. While hanging out with your friends at a coffee shop or a restaurant, you are discussing topics like the economic crisis, job security, future planning, etc. instead of debating on which movie you plan to watch.
7. When your wardrobe has more shirts and formal trousers as compared to t-shirts, shorts or denims.
8. When you sleep at 11 in the night instead of starting your day at 11 in the night.
9. When you check your bank balance and realize that you are spending way too much and you should be saving for the future.
10. When you prefer to stay back home and sleep instead of partying at a club, so that you can make an early morning meeting.
If you can relate yourself to any of the above circumstances or if you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, I would personally like to welcome you to the Half Life Crisis club. A membership to this club does not necessarily mean that you should stop having fun. In fact it gives you a pretext to break the rules, so let us try and negate all the statements I have listed above and enjoy life. Cheers.
PS: My Intrinsic/True age on the other hand is governed by a formula which is
True Age = (Age on Paper – 1) / 2.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I have a Dream
Even after centuries of evolution, the species of Homo sapiens has not been able to scale the Everest of tolerance and humanity. The latest version of Homo sapiens continues to be violent, brutal, and cruel. Some of them are outlaws; some are vagabonds while some are purely sadist. We are still at war over issues like race, religion, treasure, resource, etc. the only difference between centuries ago and now is the use of sophisticated words like patriotism, terrorism, security, freedom ,etc. Though new words have been introduced, the objective and motive behind these battles remain the same.
Irrespective of the religion a person follows, regardless of his beliefs or disbeliefs and no matter where his faith lies, it is the foremost duty and responsibility of everyone to be human first. Destruction of civilization and murder of innocent people is never the appropriate way to express any ideology. An individual should not be influenced and manipulated by leaders or institutions that promote such cowardly actions.
Each time such a diabolical act of terrorism is committed a victim is born. This victim inadvertently creates another victim when he tries to avenge his loss. Thus giving rise to a vicious cycle of hate, spite and malice.
Now is the time to become mature and live in harmony. Now is the time to let go of our petty differences and live in an environment of peace and brotherhood. Now is the time to tolerate and accept one another. Now is the time to build a better tomorrow. Now is the time to bring heaven on earth.
Peace.
Irrespective of the religion a person follows, regardless of his beliefs or disbeliefs and no matter where his faith lies, it is the foremost duty and responsibility of everyone to be human first. Destruction of civilization and murder of innocent people is never the appropriate way to express any ideology. An individual should not be influenced and manipulated by leaders or institutions that promote such cowardly actions.
Each time such a diabolical act of terrorism is committed a victim is born. This victim inadvertently creates another victim when he tries to avenge his loss. Thus giving rise to a vicious cycle of hate, spite and malice.
Now is the time to become mature and live in harmony. Now is the time to let go of our petty differences and live in an environment of peace and brotherhood. Now is the time to tolerate and accept one another. Now is the time to build a better tomorrow. Now is the time to bring heaven on earth.
Peace.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Male Chauvinism
I must confess beforehand, that the above title does justify the sexist and biased truth you are about to witness. This is an honest attempt to put in words my innermost, darkest and meanest thoughts. It would be inhumane to claim this, as a compilation of my thoughts, so let me rephrase the sentence and be more elaborate.
For the past two decades, I have had the unique opportunity to observe, learn and research many relationships and individuals. I will try my best to provide a brief summary of my extensive research. This can also serve as a guide for guys around the world who wish to break the shackles of slavery and breathe the air of freedom.
I have witnessed many of my friends (It’s better if I do not disclose their identity) who, roar like lions and display arrogance, ego and ‘macho-ism’ when they are single, but once their status changes from ‘single’ to ‘committed’ / ‘married’ on Facebook, Orkut, MySpace, etc., the once mighty roar turns into nothing more than a rat’s squeak. The guy, once a mighty king of the jungle, becomes a tamed, caged cat, and follows each and every instruction from the ringmaster ( I don’t think you are that stupid and naïve as to not understand who the ‘ringmaster’ is in this situation) This is a global phenomenon, and a universal truth, if you wish to believe it.
Anyway, I know the gravity of the situation and I am also aware of the emotional and sentimental weapons which girls have at their disposal. I would like to term Sentimental Torture and Emotional Blackmail as Weapons for Male Destruction (WMD's). Females have been gifted with these weapons since time immemorial, and they realize the extent of its power as soon as they start torturing and blackmailing their prisoners (men all around the world) from a very tender age. It takes a very brave and courageous man with extremely strong will power to break these bonds. To ascertain ‘his’ freedom and bolster ‘his’ ego, it is very important for the male to take some precautionary steps. To capture the prey (i.e. to get a girl to go out with him), the predator (not a (single) predator, it’s usually a pack of predators (carnivorous wolves) after the same prey) needs to be very kind, polite, respectful, well-behaved, resilient (never take ‘no’ for an answer even if she rejects your proposal a thousand times) and generous (while spending money on shopping and doing some charitable donations to melt her heart) in the beginning.
I have to divert away from the main story, as I came across the term ‘shopping‘(I couldn’t resist myself from saying a few words on it) .It (shopping) plays a very important and vital role in sustaining a healthy relationship. I hope you remember the saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” (this holds true for women too).A small adjustment and replacement in the above phrase gives the golden (not golden but I must say platinum, diamond or priceless) phrase “The way to a woman’s heart is through shopping”. This is an established fact, which has been confirmed, by an extensive research and study conducted by psychiatrists, psychologists and philosophers around the world.
(Now back to the predator-prey story)
So once the predator has managed to capture the prey, it’s time for him to set the record straight. Gradually, let the woman know that it is he who calls the shots. It should be done very tactfully. This is ought to be done at a nascent stage, at a time when the flower of relationship is just about to blossom. If dominance is not established in the beginning, it can lead to lifetime of slavery. This can determine whether you will be resting on a Sunday afternoon and getting a plate of hot pakodas(while watching cricket/soccer) or will you be the one making them.
Another characteristic which is rolled into the DNA of each and every Eve on this planet is the ability to talk. Don’t get me wrong here, all human beings can talk, what I mean is the kind of talk which led to the invention of words like gossip, jabber, extrovert, etc. If it weren’t for women, the telephone companies would have to incur heavy losses, if it weren’t for women, the journalists working for magazines would be without a job, if it weren’t for women, the noise pollution would reduce considerably and if it weren’t for women, men all around the world would not look so quiet. Anyway, the golden rule here is to be a good listener. A simple nod and a gesture of approval is all that is necessary to show how much you care for her. When she is blabbering away and describing her day from the second she woke up, you can pretend to be attentive by dividing 9834629 by 19 over and over again in your mind. In the end, tell her how beautiful she looks and how well she handled the situation, this would be icing on the cake.
Trivia: Did you know?
The A, B, C’s have also been altered to suit women, the new dictionary has C for Cute, I for Idiot, S for Stupid, W for Whatever…I can go on and on but let’s cut to the chase, a baby can be cute, a dog can be cute, a pair of sandals can be cute, a person can be cute, in short anything and everything can be ‘cute’ isn’t this simply fantastic, one word to rule them all, one word to describe ‘stuff’ and, one word is after all, really easy to remember.
For more information please feel free to get in touch with me. It’s an honest attempt on my behalf to enlighten my troubled and beleaguered friends.
Now people, please don’t get judgmental after reading this and label me a freak or sick b*rst*d or weirdo. I am after all, just your average guy next door waiting for that ‘perfect woman’ to sweep me off my feet. So, one day, I can drive her to the mall, wearing the shirt she bought for me, walking in the shoes she ordered me to wear and talking the words she taught me.
DISCLAIMER:
The information provided here is fictional and it’s resemblance to anyone alive or dead is purely coincidental. I hope I have not broken a law and will not be tried in the court of law by a Female Rights activist.
For the past two decades, I have had the unique opportunity to observe, learn and research many relationships and individuals. I will try my best to provide a brief summary of my extensive research. This can also serve as a guide for guys around the world who wish to break the shackles of slavery and breathe the air of freedom.
I have witnessed many of my friends (It’s better if I do not disclose their identity) who, roar like lions and display arrogance, ego and ‘macho-ism’ when they are single, but once their status changes from ‘single’ to ‘committed’ / ‘married’ on Facebook, Orkut, MySpace, etc., the once mighty roar turns into nothing more than a rat’s squeak. The guy, once a mighty king of the jungle, becomes a tamed, caged cat, and follows each and every instruction from the ringmaster ( I don’t think you are that stupid and naïve as to not understand who the ‘ringmaster’ is in this situation) This is a global phenomenon, and a universal truth, if you wish to believe it.
Anyway, I know the gravity of the situation and I am also aware of the emotional and sentimental weapons which girls have at their disposal. I would like to term Sentimental Torture and Emotional Blackmail as Weapons for Male Destruction (WMD's). Females have been gifted with these weapons since time immemorial, and they realize the extent of its power as soon as they start torturing and blackmailing their prisoners (men all around the world) from a very tender age. It takes a very brave and courageous man with extremely strong will power to break these bonds. To ascertain ‘his’ freedom and bolster ‘his’ ego, it is very important for the male to take some precautionary steps. To capture the prey (i.e. to get a girl to go out with him), the predator (not a (single) predator, it’s usually a pack of predators (carnivorous wolves) after the same prey) needs to be very kind, polite, respectful, well-behaved, resilient (never take ‘no’ for an answer even if she rejects your proposal a thousand times) and generous (while spending money on shopping and doing some charitable donations to melt her heart) in the beginning.
I have to divert away from the main story, as I came across the term ‘shopping‘(I couldn’t resist myself from saying a few words on it) .It (shopping) plays a very important and vital role in sustaining a healthy relationship. I hope you remember the saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” (this holds true for women too).A small adjustment and replacement in the above phrase gives the golden (not golden but I must say platinum, diamond or priceless) phrase “The way to a woman’s heart is through shopping”. This is an established fact, which has been confirmed, by an extensive research and study conducted by psychiatrists, psychologists and philosophers around the world.
(Now back to the predator-prey story)
So once the predator has managed to capture the prey, it’s time for him to set the record straight. Gradually, let the woman know that it is he who calls the shots. It should be done very tactfully. This is ought to be done at a nascent stage, at a time when the flower of relationship is just about to blossom. If dominance is not established in the beginning, it can lead to lifetime of slavery. This can determine whether you will be resting on a Sunday afternoon and getting a plate of hot pakodas(while watching cricket/soccer) or will you be the one making them.
Another characteristic which is rolled into the DNA of each and every Eve on this planet is the ability to talk. Don’t get me wrong here, all human beings can talk, what I mean is the kind of talk which led to the invention of words like gossip, jabber, extrovert, etc. If it weren’t for women, the telephone companies would have to incur heavy losses, if it weren’t for women, the journalists working for magazines would be without a job, if it weren’t for women, the noise pollution would reduce considerably and if it weren’t for women, men all around the world would not look so quiet. Anyway, the golden rule here is to be a good listener. A simple nod and a gesture of approval is all that is necessary to show how much you care for her. When she is blabbering away and describing her day from the second she woke up, you can pretend to be attentive by dividing 9834629 by 19 over and over again in your mind. In the end, tell her how beautiful she looks and how well she handled the situation, this would be icing on the cake.
Trivia: Did you know?
The A, B, C’s have also been altered to suit women, the new dictionary has C for Cute, I for Idiot, S for Stupid, W for Whatever…I can go on and on but let’s cut to the chase, a baby can be cute, a dog can be cute, a pair of sandals can be cute, a person can be cute, in short anything and everything can be ‘cute’ isn’t this simply fantastic, one word to rule them all, one word to describe ‘stuff’ and, one word is after all, really easy to remember.
For more information please feel free to get in touch with me. It’s an honest attempt on my behalf to enlighten my troubled and beleaguered friends.
Now people, please don’t get judgmental after reading this and label me a freak or sick b*rst*d or weirdo. I am after all, just your average guy next door waiting for that ‘perfect woman’ to sweep me off my feet. So, one day, I can drive her to the mall, wearing the shirt she bought for me, walking in the shoes she ordered me to wear and talking the words she taught me.
DISCLAIMER:
The information provided here is fictional and it’s resemblance to anyone alive or dead is purely coincidental. I hope I have not broken a law and will not be tried in the court of law by a Female Rights activist.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Ever since the day
Ever since the day
the sun enlightened the world,
the moon shone in the cold,
I know that your love for me,
is more than what a flower is for a bee.
Clear as a drop of dew
Purer than the oceans blues
I know that your love for me,
is more than I can live.
Ever since the day
I lay in your warm arms
to feel the joy of peace and calm
Above the tallest peak,
and below the darkest pit
I know that your love for me,
is more than I can see.
Ever since the day
I touched you
and careened in the air around you
I surrendered myself,
to the mercy of your self
As I know that your love for me,
is more than I can be.
Ever till the day
my heart beats
till the grass grows in the meadows,
and the river stops to flow
till the hands of time would stop turning,
and my soul would cease breathing
I know that I will love you
till the end of eternity
I know that I will love you
more than you do
the sun enlightened the world,
the moon shone in the cold,
I know that your love for me,
is more than what a flower is for a bee.
Clear as a drop of dew
Purer than the oceans blues
I know that your love for me,
is more than I can live.
Ever since the day
I lay in your warm arms
to feel the joy of peace and calm
Above the tallest peak,
and below the darkest pit
I know that your love for me,
is more than I can see.
Ever since the day
I touched you
and careened in the air around you
I surrendered myself,
to the mercy of your self
As I know that your love for me,
is more than I can be.
Ever till the day
my heart beats
till the grass grows in the meadows,
and the river stops to flow
till the hands of time would stop turning,
and my soul would cease breathing
I know that I will love you
till the end of eternity
I know that I will love you
more than you do
Sunday, June 04, 2006
At This Juncture Of Life
At this juncture of life,
Chaotic mind ruling the heart
Treading a path unknown
For this new birth,
Amidst this engulfing darkness
Lies that door
To make thy struggle less
Shall thy soul wander
Whilst going forth
Guide this pawn My Lord
Unaware and mystified
Danger along the winding road
When the time is ripe
Lead us to the stairs
Beyond the success of wealth
Sweet as pear
The mortal journey so far
May the tomorrow be as merrier…..
May the tomorrow be as merrier…..
At this juncture of life,
May destiny guide us
Chaotic mind ruling the heart
Treading a path unknown
For this new birth,
Amidst this engulfing darkness
Lies that door
To make thy struggle less
Shall thy soul wander
Whilst going forth
Guide this pawn My Lord
Unaware and mystified
Danger along the winding road
When the time is ripe
Lead us to the stairs
Beyond the success of wealth
Sweet as pear
The mortal journey so far
May the tomorrow be as merrier…..
May the tomorrow be as merrier…..
At this juncture of life,
May destiny guide us
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